Painful healing

Though I've been planning to do this for ages, I've (finally) stopped smoking pot. I quit mostly for two main reasons: for the sake of my poor lungs & my social life. While we had some good times, pot & I, it's become an unhealthy relationship. After the emotionally stressful year I've had, pot became a crutch I relied upon too heavily.

In fact, I meant to stop smoking last year. I remember saying to myself around the time of my 25th birthday that "25 was the year I would stop." Well shortly after my birthday, in fact almost a year ago from today, my Grandma's health started to decline to the point that we knew the end was near. She died at the end of April.

I kept telling myself that I could keep smoking for various reasons, but once my Grandpa started to go, I fell back into the bad smoking habits I thought I was done with. I hate to admit this, but I was smoking almost every day for several months. After Grandpa died and I had my falling out with my sister, I gave into my weak side and smoked every night. I knew what I was doing was bad and recognized it for the emotion crutch that it was. But I was hurting too bad to stop.

When I first decided to live with Ry & Alletta, I promised them I wouldn't keep smoking when we lived together. I did end up smoking for a bit in the new place, but that was mostly due to the fact we moved in sooner than I expected. March 28th was the last day I smoked pot.

Now, well into my 2nd week of being pot free, my lungs are in that painful healing stage. I remember from previous attempts to quit that after the 1st week my lungs would start hurting a bit as I healed from the damage previously done. This morning when I woke up it felt like I had been inhaling smoke all night. My breath feels short & it almost hurts when I breathe in deeply. The only reason I'm not freaking out about this is the memory of being in this stage before. It sucks right now, but with time I will heal.

Already I've been seeing the benefits of not smoking.

• Food tastes better.
• I'm dreaming again.
• Increased energy.
• Feeling like my old self.

That last point might be more than just not smoking. I didnt' realize how miserable I used to be in my old house till after a few weeks of living with Ry & Alletta. Before, I did have a feeling like I was losing myself. But now I really feel more grounded and well, happy. I still have lingering issues about my sister that I will eventually have to deal with. But for now, I'm just relieved that I'm finally get my life back on track.