dreaming

I had a confusing dream that I was going to school again at Reed. For some reason I was living in Forest Grove again with my folks, but had found somewhere in downtown Portland that I could stay at sometimes.

At one point I was on campus going to a french class. While reviewing my text book I got this overwhelming deja vu feeling that I had done this before. Then I started to remember that I had already graduated from Reed.

[I find this dream particularly amusing since I've actually been missing being in school a bit. However when I started to realize in the dream that something wasn't quiet right since I already graduated, it felt kinda creepy to be on campus.]

dreaming renewed

Gods, last night's dream was simply amazing. It was a classic case of a wish-fulfillment dream. I dreamed that I had hooked up & fell in love with a major crush of mine from college. (Unlike most of my college crushes, this was one I had acted upon. Well kinda. It's complicated but I did talk to him but just couldn't act on it for reasons I don't want to go into here). Everything about the dream was incredibly vivid that when I woke up at one point, I was crushed to realize it was all just a dream. I ended up over sleeping my alarm by almost 30min because I just couldn't let go of the dream.

Ever since I stopped smoking my dreams have returned to the intense vividness I had most of my life before Reed & smoking pot. A few days ago there were more like nightmares or anxiety dreams ( mostly about my estrangement from my sister). I'm complicating posting some of these dreams here, or maybe on a separate blog. Like the one I had last night, I'd rather not give out the name of the person I dreamed about online. (So the curious will simply have to ask me about it elsewhere). I have started keeping a dream journal where I try to quickly jot down as much as I can while eating breakfast.

Back in high school, I kept a dream journal and got really into reading up on symbols & Jung. After taking a few religion classes, well I can't help be but feel a bit skeptical of Jung. Still, I might return to some of his work. Hopefully my future dreams will be as amazing as last nights (& maybe my real life might try to pick up the pace a bit as well. one can hope).

dreamtime

The past couple of night have been filled with vivid and crazy dreams.

Saturday: All I really remember about this dream was being very stressed out that I hadn't done the reading for class. What class, I don't know. I was just freaking out how I had lost touch with my academic side and was going to fail.

Sunday: I had one of those dreams within in a dream. I as married apparently, though I do not really remember anything about my husband. An Iranian god had started to visit me in my dreams and we were basically having an affair. It started out with me just thinking it was only a "dream" but then he introduced himself (after the first sex dream) and told how these dreams were more than just dreams. Apparently since he was a god, when he entered a mortals dreams things were a little more "real". (dream logic, go figure) I would "wake up" from these rendezvous next to my husband and feel guilty sleeping around in my dreams. But not too guilty, but the sex was amazing and I was falling for the god. Don't remember much about my husband, but the god was fucking hot. (I tried to see if there was any god of sleep or dreams associated w/ Iranian mythology, but couldn't even find any info on Iranian mythology).

Monday: The plot to this dream is gone, and thankfully so. This was one of the worst nightmares I've had in a long time. It was like being stuck in a really gory horror movie. People were peeling the skin off their own faces and other forms of self mutilation. At one point I remember seeing it like a pan out like in a movie, where everywhere I looked was filled with people tearing each other apart, riping flesh with their bare hands as they devoured each other. I woke up suddenly around 2am very disturbed and thankful the dream was over. The images from this dreams still plague me and I can only hope that it will soon fade from my memory.

Tuesday: I was in some public shower, like a gym but not sure about the actual location. Some very hot chick was there and made a flirty comment about what a great ass I had. Suddenly I'm kissing her and we start fucking in the shower. It was a very hot dream. [devilish grin]

Vivid dreams like these used to be common for me, that is before college. Once I started sleeping less my vivid dreams became infrequent. This week I've been trying to get to bed earlier than midnight and so far all I've noticed is an increase in dreams (not a decrease in tiredness in the morning, which is what I'm hoping for). My pagan side must also point out that today is a full moon, so the waxing moon (in Leo) could also be an influence.

getting that travel itch

Last night I dreamt I was on the way to the airport to visit Joyce in Shanghai. There was some mix up that cause me to miss my original flight and Dad had to reschedule for me. While at the airport I was going through my luggage pulling out the extra winter coats Mom had packed. That's all I really remember. It was a crazy hectic dream that mostly involved me stressing out about making my flight to Shanghai.

It doesn't take a genius to interpret this dream. I haven't traveled to anywhere outside of Oregon since I got back from China. Hopefully with this new job that will change....

Nightmares of Motherhood

Last night I had terrifying dreams about me having a baby. The baby was born like a small doll instead of an actual child, and proceeded to speak to me in perfect english (with a hint of an english accent). I can't recall what I named the girl, but I go remember she had blond curly hair and blues eyes (adding to the disturbing doll resemblance. dolls really freak me out, by the way). She shrunk at one point, making her small enough to carry in my wallet.

Due to a bizarre circumstance of my pregnancy, I developed several golf ball size lumps all over my stomach. The doctors informed me that they were clusters of fat & hormones.

If there was any lingering desire to have children, this dream officially killed it.

A Ridiculous Anxiety Dream

Tonight I'll be staying at my parents place so that Saturday afternoon my Dad can help me with my taxes. Its been a while since I've done them because I haven't made enough money to bother with it before.

Last night I had an anxiety filled dream about trying to do my taxes at my parents house. In the dream every time I asked my dad a question he would be distracted before answering me. Then he got called into work (he's on call every once in a while). I'm not that nervous about my taxes, more annoyed at how confusing it can be. But in this dream you would have thought the world was coming to an end if I didn't finish them.

What is going on my head these day? Disembodied wolf heads & tax anxiety? Argh, clearly I'm going insane.

Dreaming

Despite the fact a bout of insomnia last night, I had one of the most crazy and intense that I've had in a long time.

The beginning of the dream is rather fuzzy... but I do remember something involving my Aunt Theresa and my cousin Kevin (her son) and bikes. What exactly was going on... well who knows? That next part of the dream is where things started to become very vivid and intense. Both my parents and my brothers were with me, at some location like a rest stop off the highway. I think we were on a trip to somewhere (or perhaps returning), I'm not really sure. All I remember is that we were surrounded by woods, and after Theresa and Kevin left, I stopped a giant wolf across the road.

Have you ever seen Princess Mononoke? If you have, then imagine not the really huge wolf god, but her children with the coloring of a gray wolf. If you haven't seen the movie, well then imagine a wolf about 10-12 feet long, large enough that someone could ride on its back. When I spotted this wolf it was running down the steep forest edge across the road. Now sometime wolves in my dreams are good omens. I will feel safe around them and feel this amazing special connection. And then sometimes they are dangerous: this wolf was very dangerous and on the hunt for a meal of tasty humans.

I knew it was headed straight for us and we needed to get the hell out of there fast. When I altered my parents my Dad insisted that I climb this strange looking tree. The tree branches were more like very thick vines twisting together. Somehow my Dad got me up into a very high branch (I've got height issues and I'm not very good at climbing trees. Exacting what happened with the wolf after this is vague. The only thing I really remember is a disembodied wolf head floating around at some point. Why? I have no fucking idea; dream logic is always strange once your awake but makes perfect sense in the dream.

The wolf danger had passed, and we all pilled into my parents Explorer. We were all sitting there in
the car, joking around and completely relieved that the wolf crisis had passed. Just as Dad began to start the car, a plane flew over heard, only a few hundred feet above us.The plane was one of those crop-duster types. It was spraying some sort of red & green liquid everywhere. As I looked out the windw, for a moment time slowed down and I saw that the spray looked like a plaid design. Once it did hit the ground, it somehow started creating a mini-earthquake. I'm not totally sure if the ground really was moving, but our car started bouncing around and we had no control over the car. Suddenly, we were thrust out into the highway, where we collided with on-coming traffic. The car started to spin and next thing I remember is our car crashing into a near-by convenience store (which I don't remember being there before).

After confirming that we all were alright, we climbed out of the car and walked into the store to check in there. Somehow the owners were oblivious that a car had just run into their store. I received a huge shock when I saw that one of the owners was my former best friend from middle school, Maranette. Now the background story her would take too long to write here, let’s just say our friendship ended badly, very badly. While Dad was talking with her husband about what happened, we made eye contact and she clearly recognized who I was. Yet neither of us said a word to each other and pretended like we were strangers.